After writing that post and jokingly saying I would kick Kris to the galaxy, I found out the news. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, the news thingy-majig.
I have honestly never felt more guilty in my life (no I'm kidding I always feel guilty after I blurt out something that hurt my friends). I felt as though I should've known about this lawsuit, there were signs, and I was really so, so, so stupid not to tell what was going to happen.
Did I know this was going to happen before it was announced? In a way, yes, I did know.
A day before the news was a released, I had a dream... A really weird dream where xxx (I can't tell you guys who it is because if my dream comes true... everybody is going to freak out) from EXO died and I was blaming Kris for it. When I woke up, I felt really odd and tingly but I brushed it off and thought 'oh c'mon girl this ain't one of yo freaky precognition nightmares again I mean c'mon everybody's healthy as a herd of horses there ain't nobody gon die man' (I literally think with so much slang, I'm not kidding) and that dream was a sign. I'm serious. For the rest of the day I felt like something was off but I just ignored it cos like maybe I forgot to brush my teeth exactly 3 times that morning maybe it was 4 times or something so yeah. (I'm kinda OCD when it comes to my daily routines but it's not severe and serious so don't worry)
And I had seen that video where Kris was crying and cheering at the end of a performance and suddenly clutched his heart. I had seen it, but yet again, I was ignorant and brushed it off thinking that his mind was probably like 'damn these feels, my heart is so full of feels for the fans, I can't- I can't, I love you guys man, these feels OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD' and that was why he was clutching his heart.
But if I have to be honest with you guys... before my assumption that it was just feels, I jokingly thought that he reminded me of one of those guys in those dramas that have heart attacks and clutch at their chest desperately when they hear that their daughter-in-law had an affair (lol a million dramas have this plot I swear). I JOKINGLY THOUGHT SO.
In a way I feel like I should've seen the signs, I should've been so much nicer to him in my mind, I should've loved him so much more, I shouldn't have practically cursed him with this fate, I should have done so many things.
But now, let's clear our minds of everything I've revealed on top.
I cannot regret what I've done, because what's the use of regretting? Is that going to turn the clock back to where we first started? And just like everybody says, yolo. You only live once. Am I supposed to regret all this, all these memories Kris has created for us? Am I supposed to regret my actions? No, I'm not supposed to.
These are my thoughts and actions, nobody else's. I cannot, and will not, regret my actions and thoughts. Yes, I agree what I did was wrong, but simply regretting things does not change the course of fate and the future, therefore I do not regret anything.
All I know is that I believe in Kris. No, not 'stay strong Kris', because he's not dying yet. He is still young and I know he'll get through everything. Will believing in Kris change his future? No, it won't, but I'm sure he'll be glad to know that no matter what happens to him, he always has our support. I'll always cheer him on.
And I am terribly sorry at how much I used to dislike him in the past for all the Kray and Krisyeol moments and just forgetting about our poor Tao.
I love that guy.
I'm not going to regret all those things I wanted to do to him for neglecting Tao. I am going to be glad that I learnt a lesson, that he taught me a lesson I NEVER thought I'd ever learn. I am glad I can brush off all the worries of Krisyeol and Kray. I am glad I have re-newed my trust and faith for him. I am glad that I've learnt this lesson, because I've bounced back stronger than before.
Same goes for this fandom.
Though I don't necessarily like some of the things people are saying about one member or another in this entire thingy-majig, I respect everyone's opinions and I think that's what matters. As long as we believe in each other, or believe in our opinions (if you're hating on a particular member(s)), we'll bounce back stronger than before once everything blows over.
Rain comes before a rainbow. (this is probably the weirdest way of phrasing that sentence-quote thing ever)
So yeah, that's sorta my opinion on this matter.
I want to tell you guys more about my thoughts and stuff, but I know a few fans who say we shouldn't talk about this thing and contribute to the mess and arguments without Kris or SM telling us what exactly happened.
But let me remind you that there are two sides to every coin.
Let that quote bury itself into the depths of your mind, because I want you to know that no matter what Kris, EXO or SM says about this entire ordeal, they are just telling you one side of this story. You'll need to put yourself in everyone's shoes, which is almost impossible unless you're an octopus that has like 13+ feet/legs or something. Yeah.
Mmm that's pretty much the gist of what I wanted to say. I really wish I could tell you guys more but I don't think it'll be right for me to. I know some of you guys can't handle bottling everything up inside you, so if you want, you can tell me your views and opinions on this thing, and if you disagree with what I said in this blogpost, let's chat calmly and come to an agreement or midpoint thing about this entire situation. Let's all just chat and have like one big party or something, because that sounds fun.
Also, I'm a little creeped out that some of you guys are interested in my age. I'm sorry I can't tell you my age, but if you want to, you can go to my ask.fm (link is in the link section of my blog at the right or something) and you can find a picture of me and my sister, and a few photos of my friends, you can guess my age from those pictures. Anyway, I'm somewhere between 13-16.
It's nice that you guys are so interested in getting to know me better, but two things I won't reveal are my name and age, but you guys can find out if you go to ask.fm because y'know... My friends and personal info are just there on my wall man. If you're interested, everything you're allowed to know is all there. I'm sorry but I'm not the kind that would... like, idk. Reveal everything about myself, unless you start chatting to me and when I trust you enough I'll tell you what you wanna know if you ask really nicely.
One last thing.
Just believe in Kris and EXO alright?
Don't doubt them awesome people.
Love you guys and have a great day ahead.
-AdoruZiall xoxo
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