Week 45: Tell em it's my birthday

Loooooool what no.

No guys. Not my birthday. Thank god.

Guys I can't. Everybody is forcing me to make a decision?? I can't. 

I really want to cuss out everyone and everything and then like just scream in 1000 volumes of agony. Because fuck, I may be slightly not very smart but everybody be treating me like I'm a 5 year old kid! Just, omg, no. 

School starts in a few days. I am going to live in agony and loneliness and pain and sadness. Thanks school. Thanks for forcing me to study so hard and claw at my brain desperately for answers. Worse thing is that I've barely done any group projects at all and I'm the leader for one of them and I just, I hate getting scolded. It's not my fault, it's not like I didn't even try. I tried but things just always go wrong, idk. 

Also. Birthdays. I really don't want my birthday to come. Nobody's going to celebrate it with me anyway and even if they it'll feel so insincere and forced. Like they have an obligation to celebrate with me. Please don't. I'm fucking done with birthdays. It's just a normal day. When I graduate I'm probably never ever going to tell anybody else when my birthday is so I can avoid all the fake messages and hugs and stuff. Except for job interviews where I'm required to state my date of birth. But still, just no.

Hate my birthday. I don't want anybody to make an effort. I've practically spent every single birthday like any other normal day or I just get all sad and mopey. It's bullshit, really. Just another day of my life, yay, I'm one year closer to death. Thanks for reminding me.

And people really need to keep their priorities straight. Unless you're Tao, I'm not buying you Gucci because you're going to stab me in the back from the front (doesn't make sense to you, but this has happened to me so many times before). And I really doubt you're Tao.

And if you are Tao... Just, no. What even are the odds.

My Taoris feels are exploding lately. Who says Taoris is a dead ship? >:(

Lately choices have been thrown at me. For the first time in a long time, I think I may actually be regretting this life I chose.

Week 44: Omg done with you

Guys, I'm just really upset and angry as hell and i'm not going to be checking my grammar and spelling so this is basically a blog post that will make your eyes bleed. I'm sorry.

Just. fucking. stop.

omg done. I'M. DONE. WITH. YOUR. SHIT.

I cannot even with pretentious fake fans that happen to be my friends. I can't.

Basically your entire personality is just made up of 35% hatred and venom and cunningness (is that a word), 25% fake and like 5000% evil. Pure, pure evil. Nothing else. You are a scary human being.

Anyway just- life is a little effed up at the moment guys. Really. There's nothing I can do to stop it, and it's not like I'm someone that will slap somebody because I can't handle her. At least, I'm trying not to. No promises though, I am literally so upset and done with her act.

So about the byuntae/baektae thing.

Do I really even, I mean, do they even, just- no, okay.

'S great they're dating and kissing and all that stuff! 'S great! I respect their decision to have this relationship, it's cute and all but I gotta point out that there are quite a few important loopholes in this relationship but it's going great I think and they're cute. Cos that's what apparently matters in relationships right? :D

Nah man. I respect their relationship and I seriously want to leave them alone but I can't. Y' guys wanna know why? Because Chanbaek fics be getting deleted. Chanbaek. fics. be. getting. deleted. 

Happy face of sarcasm.

Just, no. You probably understand (though you don't know) how upset I was when my fave taoris fics started getting deleted and stuff. It's understandable, right? I was really distraught and all that when that happened and I couldn't quite understand why everybody was giving up on taoris and kris and all the kris-based ships. I just really couldn't get it.

Okay, let me be mean and vicious and gently try to put this down (this doesn't make sense). So Kris is 'leaving'/left (I still don't- I can't man) and stuff. Doesn't mean you have to delete your fics and STOP SHIPPING KRIS-BASED SHIPS. I mean, the yunjae fans are still cool and writing yunjae stuff. Why you gotta be like that?

S' like, deleting baekhyun based ships fics. Why you gotta do that? Did anybody force this thought into your brain that you had to delete them? I really hope not. This was actually a pretty big deal for me when I was writing Ziall fics for the 1D fandom and people were talking shit about how our fics are the spawn of satan and disgusting things that disgrace the boys. Why you guys gotta be like that? :D

I'm acting like I'm cool with all this ship drama? Yup, I am, but trust me, it's because I'm confused and I can't quite place a finger on this... thing. Something is amiss, trust me, my instincts don't fail me.

Don't give up on the ships man. Please don't. Whoever is reading this, don't give up, fight for your ship until the very end, and die bravely. Sink with the ship after a much needed battle. Do not, and I repeat, do not give up on your ships. 

Ain't nobody gon' tell me to stop shipping Taoris. You may call me delulu (who started this thing it's cute and stuff and I use it all the time in my head I'm sorry if this is a username ok) but I ship Taoris and I'm going down with the ship. 

Or maybe the ship ain't goin' down. I believe in Kris. I believe in Tao. I however don't trust the girls around Tao because I'm being possessive on behalf of Kris and I don't want Tao doin' anythin' he'll regret. I trust him though. Maybe I'm stupid but I. trust. him.

And you guys should probably trust Baek too. DON'T TRUST SM FUCKING BIG FUCK YOU TO THE WORLD ENTERTAINMENT *COUGHCOUGH*,  trust Baek. And trust whoever you ship with Baek. Trust whoever you ship with Kris too. 

C'mon, it'll all work out in the end. Might not be the happiest and best possible thing but at the end of the day, things still have to work out. Let's be glad that our biases are alive! :)

but seriously though. dem loopholes. SM do a better fucking job of making up stories and shit. Even I make better stories than them, and that's saying something.

And also. 

Fake. fans.

Watch out for them.

I've met and seen a couple of them and I'm so angry. Raging about this honestly. And that's shocking because I might get pissed but I don't get pissed easily and this thing, this thing is effed up. Making up lies and shit. Shame on you! Don't even bother trying, I'm not going to accept you alright man. 

Also my fringe be getting in the way while I'm typing. Practically blocking my line of vision. >:(

And just a casual little apology here that I've planned out Yixing's story and I somehow made it sadder than it was supposed to be. I'm sorry. And also, I don't know what to name his story. I may have made a plot but there's nothing significant about the plot except that it rounds up the story and fills in the loopholes in Luhan's story. Though Lulu's story is probably more important, but Yixing's story kinda fills in on any queries and dissatisfaction you might find in Luhan's story. 'm sorry but basically I'm so upset rn I can't even write probably and I didn't plan Yixing's story well.

Just like Taoris' pathetic excuse for a story (MY TAORIS FIC. NOT SOMEONE ELSE'S. OMG. ALMOST ALL TAORIS FICS OUT THERE ARE GOOD. except mine.), I didn't plan it out well and it was a heat of the moment/mind fucking died on me at the last minute so I wrote the thing. the thing. Yixing's story honestly should not matter all too much, it doesn't effect the story that much but reading in between the lines and reading every line carefully will give you an idea of what happens in the end and what decision Yixing made and why he made that decision and stuff.

Basically what I'm saying is that Yixing's story is not important but it's important if you want to understand Yixing's actions. 

:D

That. did. not. make. sense.

Sorry.

This whole byuntae/baektae/byunyeon (done with coming up names for this ship thing) thing messed up my brain. I'm really sure that I'm going to go cray tomorrow when I go out. I really feel like this is an impact thing that hurts my heart even more after Taoris stuff. 

Just, no.

And btw I hear beeping sounds from somewhere within my house. It's scary and shit. I'm actually scared it's my phone since I'm charging it right now but the thing is my phone is always on silent mode (because fuck no i'm not replying people's messages unless they're important to me) so yeah. Gotta check up on that.

Hope my phone is okay. :D

Love you guys man.

(that again was a thing. that doesn't make sense. sorry.)

CONTINUE SHIPPING YOUR SHIPS OK. LOVE YA. I MEAN IT.

also i'm sorry for all the grammar mistakes in this post. sorry. :D

Week 43: My blood type (i hope not)

Again I don't know what I'm doing I'm sorry ok btw there's a glitch in this post and format sorry

RULES

1. answer everything honestly and truthfully.
2. record and total all your answers.
3. click code to get the code for this quiz. make sure to erase the previous answers.
4. share this but remember to post (stolen from black--bacon ) (because she posted a friend blog post thing and i thought i'd do this because i don't actually know my blood type, and neither do my parents.

                  

BLOOD TYPE  A

[x] I AM VERY INTROVERTED.
[x] I AM SECRETIVE.
[x] I AM SHY WITH MY FEELINGS.
[x] PATIENT WITH OTHERS.
[x] HIGHLY CREATIVE.
[x] A PERFECTIONIST
[x] HAS A 'LITTLE WORLD' / FORGETTING REALITY.
[x] SELF-CONSCIOUS.
[x] I AM STUBBORN.
[x] I AM OBSESSIVE.
[x] I CAN BE UPTIGHT.
[x] I DON'T LIKE ALCOHOL.
[x] I AM OKAY WITH VEGETARIAN DIETS.

TOTAL: 13 / 13

BLOOD TYPE  B

[x] I LIKE TO ENJOY LIFE MORE THAN OTHERS.
[ ] PEOPLE OFTEN DESCRIBE ME AS 'WILD' AND 'ACTIVE'
[x] I AM OPTIMISTIC.
[x] I LIVE ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT.
[  ] I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT ANIMALS AND THOSE WHO        THEY CARE ABOUT.
[x] I LIKE TO THINK I'M INDEPENDENT.
[  ] I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT ME.
[x] I HAVE A BRIGHT AND LIBERAL VIEW ON LIFE.
[  ] PEOPLE OFTEN ENVY ME.
[x] IMPATIENT AND IRRESPONSIBLE.
[x] GIVE UP EASILY.
[x] SHALLOW AND LAZY.
[x] I CAN BE SELF-CENTERED MOST OF THE TIME.

TOTAL: 9 / 13

BLOOD TYPE  AB

[x] I HAVE CONFIDENCE.
[x] KNOW I CAN DO ANYTHING.
[x] I HAVE A STRONG CONCENTRATION.
[x] I AM EASILY INTERESTED IN THINGS.
[x] I AM INTELLIGENT. ;DDDDD
[x] I LET MY HEAD TAKE OVER MY HEART.
[x] I CAN BE SHY, ALOOF, AND INDECISIVE.
[x] I PREFER TO BE ALONE.
[x] I HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY.
[x] I CAN BE EMOTIONAL AND UNPREDICTABLE.
[x] SOMETIMES, I AM TWO-FACED.
[  ] OTHERS SAY I'M UNTRUSTWORTHY.
[  ] GOOD WITH MONEY.

TOTAL: 11 / 13

BLOOD TYPE  O

[  ] IN MY GROUP OF FRIENDS, I AM THE LEADER.
[x] I AM OUTGOING; I TALK TO EVERYONE.
[x] OPTIMISTIC AND ENERGETIC.
[  ] I LIKE TO SPEAK MY MIND.
[x] I AM FRIENDLY AND EASY GOING.
[x] I LIKE TO EXPRESS MYSELF.
[x] SELF-CONFIDENT.
[x] HIGHLY AMBITIOUS.
[  ] STRONG PHYSICAL FEATURES.
[x] I CAN BE DRAMATIC.
[x] I CAN BE ARROGANT, INSENSITIVE, AND RUTHLESS.
[x] I OFTEN THINK ABOUT SUCCESS.
[  ] I LIKE TO EXERCISE.

TOTAL: 9 / 13

RESULTS

BLOOD TYPE A : 13
BLOOD TYPE B : 9
BLOOD TYPE AB : 11
BLOOD TYPE O : 9

MY BLOOD TYPE IS  _A_.


( NOTE. you should only have one blood type, ok )

 oh shit my friends like to talk bad about blood type As though????

help sos please

Week 43: Mentally unstable (i hope not)

What is this even

[x] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you'. 
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks. 
[x] You have run into a tree/bush. 
[ ] You have been called a blond. 
TOTAL SO FAR:  4
 
[x] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[] You just tried to lick your elbow. 
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody. 
[ ] You just sang them to make sure.  
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.  
[x] You have choked on your own spit. 
TOTAL SO FAR: 7
 
[] you have seen the matrix
[x] You type with three fingers or less 
[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire. 
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
TOTAL SO FAR: 10
 
[x] You have fallen asleep in class.
[x] Sometimes you just can't stop thinking. 
[x] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about. 
[x] People often shake their heads and walk away from you.
[x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.' 
TOTAL SO FAR:  15
 
[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[] You have eaten a bug accidentally. 
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it. 
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time. e.g. picks, cards, pens, phones, money, keys etc.

TOTAL SO FAR: 19
 
[ ] You have sent chain mail because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't. 
[x] You break a lot of things. 
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling. 
[x] The word "um" is used frequently.
[x] You don't know what "um" means.
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot. 
[x] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin. 
TOTAL SO FAR:  27

Take your total, Multiply by 4

Result: 

the result is fuckmeimnotmentallyunstableiswear

so lazy to get a calculator i'll just wait like 10 mins for the calculator on my laptop to load sigh

oh it's 108% yay

again i swear i'm not mentally unstable i'm just really clumsy and hungry all the time i'm sorry you get what i mean, i know you do!

favorite zitao gif bc i can and because zitao is adorable and i want you to agree with me

you better fucking agree

or imma go wushu on yo ass try to find food that's actually not uncooked. bc i'm just that hungry (it's dinnertime) and i love zitao

wow random confession

i love zitao

wow

i know, you too. it's okay, i got you ;-; he's too lovable

i also almost forgot about updating this blog omg my memory is a pain in the ass sometimes

my back hurts more than my ass but still

ass pains

such a pain in the ass

bye

Week 42: Seven Confessions!

Eyy hi i'm bored and i just thought this was interesting and yeah, here it is.

1) Confession about family:

I don't get along with everybody in the family (grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles included) except for my sis, and very occasionally, my mom.

2) Confession about love:
I used to have eyecandy but I kinda gave up and I realised that there's this someone in my life that really believes in me and supports me but he's not really... My parent's wouldn't accept him and he'd never fall for me, y'know what I'm saying?

3) Confession about abilities:
I am the jack-of-all-trades, master of none kinda person. I know how to play the drums, I know how to sing (been in choir for 4 years), I auditioned for guitar tryouts but was too lazy to put guitar in my option list, I auditioned for drama and debate society but again I was too lazy to put it in my option list even though the seniors there said I was really good and they wanted me there, I've joined like 3 spelling bees in my whole life and I guess I'm kinda okay at spelling, and my current club/cca is photography, so yeah. Jack-of-all-trades, master of none! :D

4) Confession about food:
I love spicy food, I like sweet food but I don't like overly sweet food, I like salty food and I hate sour and bitter food. I like bitter coffee though.

5) Confession about money:
I am moderately well off, I guess. I'm not exactly too desperate for money, but my friends are definitely richer than me. They'd buy things they don't need and are overpriced in a heartbeat, while I actually stare at the price and make my decision. If it's something that's really pretty though, I'd probably buy it and regret afterwards. Kkaebsong~

6) Confession about lies:
I lie often aghhh. Who doesn't?

7) Confession about AFF:
I really love talking to people on AFF!! Everyone's really nice (except for that one person) and even though we speak in different languages I still appreciate everyone's comments and inbox(s) and yeah, love you guys!

Random fact:

I don't like people who stan/like too many bands. It's like telling me you have 18 husbands and you love them all equally. Kinda sorry but there are bad things about liking too many bands, for example, when fandom wars happens, shit will get thrown at your face and your heart will break. If too many of your fave bands have a comeback at the same time, you'll need a lot of money to support all of them (merchwise or albumwise I guess), and if the idols fight within themselves you'll feel really conflicted. Yeah.

Week 42: Ships and feels

Guys I read this piece of pure art on AFF

It's so amazing and it makes me get in like a fuck it mood

But at the same time the problem here is Tao and the rest in the story constantly pop drugs and smoke weed non-stop and it's so hilarious but so high and so relaxed

Sometimes I feel like everyone around me is so fucking tensed, I want everyone to pop a chill pill and just relax, y'know?

But then I remember I hate people (not people people but people I know people) and I want them to jump off a cliff and die

Ok wait I'm sorry that's not the point of this post tmi again

Phone's ringingggggg

Lol it's not for me I'm not picking it up

Holy crap I love this holiday of mine yet I really hate it because people, fucking people are getting on my nerves. Do you know how annoying it is to be rejected not once, not twice, not even thrice, BUT 6 FUCKING TIMES WHEN YOU ASK DIFFERENT PEOPLE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU FOR THE HOLIDAYS

I'm sorry for the caps man. Really.

Jesus christ I should just really get a job or something. That way I wouldn't have free time to spend with people who don't wanna spend time with me. It's not like I'm repulsive or anything, y'know, I don't get why everybody is just- just so frustrating and complicated and annoying

So what if I wear my heart on my sleeve? it makes things less complicated, why can't people do the same for me too 

So done with life. Di's the only one who actually talks to me but we've never even met and I don't know if it'll be awkward if we meet sigh

But again this isn't the point of this post ugh I'm treating this just like my personal blog I'm sorry guys

SeXing is so adorable and fluffy sigh. Their relationship is just so sweet, like honeyed words dipped in chocolate and I'm so in love with their happy smiles and playful touches and just, their relationship in general is almost life.

But then there's Taoris. There's a reason why they're my otp and not SeXing. Their relationship makes my heart clench and feel so happy. Makes me feel so upset and angry and happy. Their relationship is so dysfunctional and full of sultry gazes and sweet talk and smirks and raised eyebrows, but then there's also the trust, so much trust (not thrust), you can just see how developed their relationship is that they don't feel jealous when the other hangs out with other people. They understand the whole 'friendly touches and lingering gazes with other people' thing, and they don't care about the others because at the end of the day they still belong to each other.

Ugh waeeeeeeeee my thoughts are in overdrive and i feel so upset and yet artistically creative wae 

If only people would just become less complicated and just tell me if they want me as their friend or if they want me to fuck off ugh like stop it stop messing with my brain, if you don't like me then just tell me, don't do this kind of stuff behind my back and mess with friends that I care for, don't steal them away from me, I've given up on people before they can do that to me and I only have so few people I care about left, don't take them away

Ok this is probably too much I'm just gonna go and roll away and curl up in a corner and die.

No not really I'm going to continue reading that high on drugs and alcohol fic with Tao and gang

Bye

Week 42: The EXO members who...

Is my ultimate bias: Huang Zitao awww

is wrecking my bias list: Sehun and Kris

is my bias in EXO-K: Sehun

is my bias in EXO-M: Zitao

makes my heart flutter even if he's not my bias: Kyungsoo

was once my bias but still owns my heart: Still Zitao (adorable little shit)

is my secret bias: YIXING!

compose my favourite ship: Taoris

should do more skinship: Taoris ;D

should screw the existence of girls and just end up together: SeXing bc why the heck not they behave like a married couple already

I'd love to marry: Suho HAHAHAHAHA. HA. HA. heh.

is my ideal guy: Yixing bc LIBRAS TOGETHER ARE QUITE THE PAIR. (you'll just get a bunch of airheads complacent people that constantly forget their birthdays and picking up their children from school and restocking food)

I think I'll pass as his ideal type: Maybe... Most probably? Yixing wants someone artistic who likes the performing arts, I love drawing and I know how to play the drums, the triangle and this piano-like keyboard thing and I was in Choir for 4 years so... ;D And also he is so weird but apparently he wants a girl whose name has a 'Yi' for 'YIxing' inside it and my Chinese name does have a YI inside it. YEHET!

I'd love to be my boyfriend: Sehun

I'd be most awkward with: Baekhyun because I'm scared of his sarcastic sense of humor I don't like being the butt of jokes and I'd probably end up crying ;-;

I'd love to have as my brother: Suho is so caring asklsdhgi but also Jongin dO YOU FEEL ME

I'd love to be my bestfriend:  Jongdae, Baekhyun, Sehun, Minseok, Chanyeol

I'd love to go out on dates: Luhan and Yixing

make/s my hormone s explode: Kai, Sehun, Tao, Kris AND ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE

I'd kiss: None... Just because I secretly want them all to be gay (｡´∀｀)ﾉ

SO THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT FOR TODAY HURRAY YEHET OHORAT THIS IS NOT A REAL UPDATE THE REAL UPDATE WILL BE SOONSOONSOONSOON OK BYE

Week 41: Holidays and stuff!

Eyyyy yehet it's the holidays for me!! 

One month of holidays which means more stories but I'm sorry I kinda have a schedule to stick to and I won't be updating or writing until about a week later so I'm sorry. 

But anyway there's a shit ton of homework and group projects and I hate school so much omfg I just want to smack the shit out of people. Yeah, people.

So anyway I reread my private blog yesterday and I felt like I was so creative back then but now that creativity is just gone and POOFED away but I have inspiration to write because of a thing that happened. A THING. I'll be writing a new oneshot based on that. 

Also I really don't understand where everybody's basic courtesy and respect is like jesus christ you fucking bitches really need to learn a lesson and you wouldn't know what basic respect is until it slaps you in the face with a truck, which I'll be MORE THAN GLAD to do.

I just really want to beat certain people up. I'm disappointed in myself for making a certain decision and basically welcoming a thief inside my home and telling her to make herself comfy and making tea and lunch for her. Honestly I welcomed hell inside my life willingly because I was stupid. BUT STILL NOT REGRETTING ANYTHING THO.

                                                       Hehehe you fuckers better watch out.